i cant do complicated right now. i cant do serious.

WHY DOES EVERYTHING GET RUINED BY FEELINGS?! I DON'T WANT FEELINGS!

Today, I thought to myself that I should probably learn to be by myself before I continue to be in any sort of relationship with anyone.

Then I remembered that I totally hate being alone and if I am alone, I won't get laid. So I decided that its not needed anymore. Does this make me a whore? I think so. Do I care? Probably not.

I can't say I should expect anything different..

.. But seeing him made want to cry and stab something. I'm not entirely sure I can handle what I've gotten myself into. It could very well tear my heart completely out and leave me broken for a long time.

And I just wanted to watch GLEE and catch up and..

But I can't say I expected anything different. And I should think positively, right? I fucking hate positive thinking. I just don't like being alone. Someone come rescue me? I have literally nothing left, no where to run because I'm running out of options. I mean, really. Who the hell else do I have left to talk to who can actually let me cry on their shoulder and not judge me for the stupid things I choose?

God, I need a fucking cigarette right now.

Oh dear. ._.

On a brighter note -- RP Group? I think so. http://asylums.insanejournal.com/ck_institute/ I am totally pimping that shit to my practically non-existent friend's list.

And I also hate bleeding. It makes me angry. ANGRY.

I hate being up this late at night and remembering why I hated being up this late at night.

I can't shut my brain up. Ever.

And its not happy thoughts that would help me, either. Just sad ones that I shouldn't even be having but I suppose that's what happens when you don't have time to move on. Instead of taking time to get over everything, I dove head first into something else and while I am happy when I'm with her.. I'm miserable whenever I'm alone in my mind.

And its so depressing, it burns.

Blah. Sleep is so precious sometimes.

When its not on a couch.

Anger subsided a little. Now I'm just... meh.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH! i fucking get it, okay?! you dont wanna be here. what the fuck ever.

AT LEAST FUCKING ANSWER ME! God, I gotta lock the fucking door, you know. It's not like I'm asking you where you are and who what you're doing. Just if you are going to be sleeping in the bed tonight.

Obviously you don't give a rats ass about getting locked out. Nice to know you like to make people fucking worry.